Part Two: Chapter Eleven

Stephen was told to wait in the lobby while a short, bald officer walked Kaylin back through the maze of cubicles to the one where Corporal Jordan was seated. He stood when Kaylin came into view and motioned for her to take one of the two seats opposite his small desk.

“I’ve got it from here, Bob, thanks,” Jordan told the officer escort who smiled down at the seated Kaylin before making his way back to the main lobby. Corporal Jordan smiled at the girl sitting before him, now much more a woman than when they first met a little shy of four years ago when a road weary Jordan had to deliver the news to a young girl that her mother wasn’t coming home. Since that dreary morning Kaylin had grown taller, her hair had gotten longer, and her features had blossomed into a woman’s rather than a girl’s. Although she looked different today than she had that morning, the look on her face was the same: fear, panic, and worry. Again the gruff, 6’4” seasoned officer was taken in by the girl and a feeling of protectiveness came over him.

“How have you been, Kay?” he asked, pushing aside his computer’s keyboard and leaning across the top of his desk.

Kaylin tried to smile, but couldn’t stop her chin from shaking. She quickly looked down at her hands and took in a measured breath to calm herself. She nodded a bit and said quietly, “I’m OK.”

“Good, good,” Jordan said absently standing up and coming around to where Kaylin sat. “C’mon, let’s take a walk,” he said offering Kaylin his hand. She took it and stood up, following him. Jordan was not part of the team that searched the lockers that day, nor had he been assigned to the case; however, upon his arrest Nick refused to say much more than he wanted to talk to Kaylin McSandsen. The arresting officer recognized the name and sent word to Jordan that the girl he had been keeping tabs on the last few years was involved.

Corporal Jordan led Kaylin to the sheriff’s lounge and got her a coke from the vending machine. They sat across from each other in the empty lounge at one of the faux wood tables. Kaylin mumbled a thank you when offered the drink, but kept her eyes down and her shoulders slumped.

“You know about what happened at school earlier?” Jordan asked. Kaylin nodded her head.

“Want to talk about it?” he offered, but Kaylin shook her head.

“Why did you call me?” she asked after gathering up her courage to look the corporal in the eye. She was surprised by what she saw there: sympathy, compassion, worry. She was expecting a cop like on TV, angry and scheming how to get her to reveal information about Nick’s situation.
Jordan leaned back in his seat. “How do you know Nick Ainsworth?” he said in his best cop voice.
“He’s my boyfriend,” she replied quickly, “why?”

“How long have you guys been dating?”

“Since July, why?” she asked again.

Jordan sighed; he was more worried about having to deliver bad news again to this precious girl than he was getting information about the arrested.

“He’s been put on suicide watch,” Jordan began, “I wasn’t there when they brought him in, but he’s in bad shape. He said he needed to talk to you. He even to his father he wouldn’t talk unless he talked to you first. So the search began to find you and that led to me…” he trailed off.

Kaylin nodded but was mute. Her eyes darted away from Corporal Jordan’s; her heart pulled itself into her throat and prevented her from saying anything, from even breathing. Nick was everything to her, he was what protected her from the loneliness that was her life. Nick was her life; without him she would still be the same plain Kaylin that the kids in her classes ignored, whose father ignored her crying, whose world ignored her existence. Nick loved her, and made people pay attention to her; he showed her that she was worth being seen.

“I’m going to sit over here, OK, Kaylin?” Corporal Jordan had stood up and moved to a table at the corner of the room, near the door. At that moment Bob, the officer that had escorted Kaylin, came into the lounge holding the arm of a prisoner whose hands were cuffed in front of him.

“Nick!” Kaylin jumped up, and Bob release his grip on Nick’s arm and went to sit with Jordan. Nick lifted his arms up and Kaylin dipped under them to embrace him. Nick burrowed his head in her shoulder; she could feel him weeping: his chest heaving and his breath hot.

“Kay, baby, oh my God. Kay, I’m so sorry baby, hon,” he was rambling. Kay pulled her body away from his and cupped his face in her hands, shaking her head for him to stop.

“Sweetie, sssh, calm down, I’m here,” she hugged him again. They stood like that for a long time, both of them openly crying.

Kaylin moved his hands over her head, and they sat next to each other on one of benches attached to a table.

“Kaylin, I swear, I’m so sorry. If I loose you,” he choked up and pressed his cheek to hers. “Kaylin, things got so out of control. I don’t know what to do. Please don’t leave me, please.”

Kaylin pressed her hand against the other side of his face and breathed deeply. “I’m not leaving you,” she promised, “but why didn’t you tell me any of this? Nick, what else are you hiding?” He pulled himself away from her and looked her in the eyes.

“Nothing, baby, nothing. I was just getting so tired during the day, and so I…”

Kaylin put her finger to his lips and rested her forehead on his. She recognized hysteria when she saw it, and she needed to calm him down.

“What now?” she wrapped her hands around his that were bound together.

“I got a lawyer. We talked about rehab. I need help baby, but I, I didn’t want to agree to anything. God, Kaylin. I know I let you down, I know, but I love you, I love you so much. And if you, if you didn’t love me anymore, I would understand, but I didn’t want to live. I can’t live without you.”

“We can talk about this later.”

He smiled, a weak, hysterical smile, filled with happiness that there would be a later. His heart was pounding and he was shaking. “OK, OK, later.”

Corporal Jordan allowed the two to talk a few minutes more before indicating that their time was up. Nick kissed Kaylin long and hard before being led away. Once the door clicked shut, Kaylin turned and hugged Corporal Jordan; her head barely reaching his name tag she leaned into him and cried tears of thanks for allowing her to see him, and tears of sadness at the unknown.

“It’s going to be OK. We’ll get him help, he’s a young guy, there’s still a future for him,” the large man smiled down at her and awkwardly patted her hair.

“What do I do now?” she pulled away to pick up a napkin and wipe her face.

“Well, for now you need to keep going to school, doing your thing, and keep yourself happy and healthy,” Corporal Jordan said, “I’ll let you know if anything happens.”