Chapter Ten

The next weeks flew by for them both. Kaylin had days of rehearsals and lessons, Ryan had begun the daily shows for the tourists flocking to New York for the start of the holidays. Thanksgiving had been spent together, neither of them could get away because of their work commitments, and Kaylin had revealed to him that both her parents had died when she was younger. When he offered his condolences she thanked him but waved them off, insisting that it was a long time ago and not worth crying over anymore.

His shows were mainly during the day, with the occasional dinner-time performance on the weekends, since it was a child-themed show. Kaylin’s rehearsals hadn’t entered into the grueling stage yet and she still had quite a few nights when she was home before nine. Those nights they spent together, getting take out food and watching movies. Sunday nights, however, was their night to go out, and go out they did; dancing, dinners, and even the occasional touristy museum or attraction. New York was an enchanting place over the winter holidays, especially when you are young and have someone in your life; Kaylin and Ryan enjoyed the time and each other, even as Kay got more and more withdrawn during their private time; her usual bubbly nature became more subdued as she immersed herself in her work.

More and more Ryan would wake up in the middle of the night and find her gone, sitting downstairs looking outside or just off into nothing. She always smiled warmly when he would come to find her, and insist she wasn’t sleeping because of work or worry about work, but her eyes avoided his as she said it.

One night, Ryan shouted out, “I love you,” as the throws of climax hit them both. Kaylin bucked back at him, shocked from his admission and overtaken with her own bodily response. Her back was to him, and he leaned down, kissing her along the scar that ran across her body. She jumped, disengaging herself and leapt to the bathroom down the hall before he could say or do anything. He silently cursed himself for choosing such an inappropriate time to announce to her what he’d been feeling since the moment she came sauntering to his table at that horrible club over a month ago. He scrambled out of the bed and pulled on a pair of light pajama pants, while padding down the hall after her.

"Kay?” he said to the closed door of the bathroom.

Kaylin was sitting on the toilet, not using the facilities so much as trying to see straight from what had just occurred. Her head was in her hands and as her eyes scanned the tiled floor into a blur of geometric shapes, she realized that she wasn’t in control of this anymore; she felt dizzy and out of sorts. This wasn’t a new feeling to her, but it was one that she had spared herself from for many, many years now.

She shook the thoughts from her head and grabbed at a tee shirt hanging precariously half in/half out of Ryan’s laundry hamper to her left. Pulling it over her head she went to the sink and splashed cold water on her face. She looked at the person in the mirror. Had she been a stranger to herself since meeting Ryan? Since getting this role? Where was the Kaylin that knew her place in this world? Where was the Kaylin that kept her focus and her distance? Needing to feel grounded, humbled, she pulled her hair back and turned her head to the left and looked at the scar running down her neck; she twisted and saw the first few inches of the scar on her back. She was still her; she was still the same person she had always been. Just now she had a steady income; now she was going to be a star; now she was loved.

She heard Ryan’s knock and was startled away from her thoughts. She needed to go home.
Kaylin opened the door and flashed Ryan a shakey smile. “I gotta get going,” she said dancing around him and over to where her clothes lay in a heap by the sofa. “It’s Thursday, and you’ve got an early show and the producer is trying to do some sort of publicity stunt with me and Quinn tomorrow afternoon, so I’ve gotta get my beauty sleep.” She was babbling; cracking bad jokes and avoiding his eyes like they were the sun.

“Kay, what are you doing? Stop, Ok? Just,” she was dressed in a flash and trying to lace up a Nike when he came over and crouched down next to her, “just wait a minute. Tell me what’s really going on here.”

“Nothing!” she said quickly, picking up her fleece and heading for the door. “Call me tomorrow after your show. Hopefully we’ll be done by then.” She fumbled with the door before stopping. She flitted over to him and lightly kissed his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ok?” and with that she was gone.