Part Two: Chapter Fourteen

The feel of him over her, around her, inside her was a powerful reminder of how intensely they had missed each other and how deep her feelings for him were rooted. Their reunion after so many weeks apart was now complete; they had talked, rehashed stories that were first written in letters during their absence, ate food from the diner where they shared their first date, and now as the moon kept watchful vigil over them, they consummated their love once again.

Mark Ainsworth had been called away leaving the two teenagers snuggled together in front of an episode of X-Files. It didn't take more than the sound of the door being shut and latched for Nick and Kaylin to act on the heat bristling between them as they lay on the faded blue sofa, their eyes barely following the movements of the screen.

Nick was lounging with Kaylin curled up between his legs, her head resting on his stomach, his fingers brushing absently through her hair when Mark came in the room to tell them he needed to take off. Kaylin was sure the excitement that began coursing through her was palpable, but before she could adjust herself she felt Nick's leg clamp down on her side. She looked up at him and he gave her a grin without taking his eyes of the flashing set in front of them. She relaxed back to where she was laying, taking the silent cue that he felt it too. Mark rushed about, going to change from his jeans into a dress shirt and tie; there was a possibility of another company moving in to town and he was called in to the discussion on the behalf of the union.

"Guys I'm sorry to have to bail on our welcome home party," Mark said as he gathered up papers from and stuffed them into a briefcase, "but if they want to hear from the union," he paused, "this is a good sign. Nick, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, dad, seriously. I plan to be home for a long time," he laughed. Waving to Mark who was already heading for the door.

""Bye Mark," Kaylin hollered as the door was shutting.

Mark popped his head back inside, "Sorry, Kaylin, 'bye! Tell your dad what's going on, he'll want to know. Nick, I'm locking the door, the guy next door thought someone was breaking in the other day." Mark didn't wait for a reply, but pulled the door shut and locked the deadbolt from the outside.

At the sound of the door, Nick slipped his leg over Kay and slid down next to her, his back to the TV. "Well now I can't see the TV," Kaylin mockingly complained but snuggled against him, "I'm so afraid that I'm going to wake up and I'll just be alone wearing your shirt like always."

"Not like always, babe, just for the last few weeks," Nick said, brushing a stray lock of her hair away from her face. "and you're not going to wake up." He put his arm over her and rubbed her back. "Babe, I can feel every bone in your body," he stood up and took her hands in his, leading her to stand up as well, "c'mere, let me get a better look at you." He lifted her shirt up over her head and ran his hands down her arms then tracing her ribs with his fingertips.

"You know, some guys like skinny girls," she quipped, reaching up to put her arms around his neck.

"I'm not one of those guys. I like my girls to look like you, and right now you look more like Kate Moss," he put his hands flat against her stomach "look, my hands can go almost completely around your waist!"

Anxious to stop the scrutiny of her body, Kaylin reached for the hem of Nick's tee shirt and began to gather it up to pull over his head, "How 'bout we just stop talking for awhile?" she suggested and stepped closer to his body lavishing the feel of his skin against hers. "I missed you so much," she choked on her words as Nick craned his head back to look directly into her eyes as she went on, "it was so hard to do everything: to go to school, to stay at home, everything was a mess." Nick didn't say a word but pulled his arms around her to hug her. "I'm just so glad your back. Promise me your OK now. Promise me you won't ever go away under those circumstances again."

Nick nodded into her hair, "I promise," he mumbled as he started to kiss along the side of her face and down her neck.

This night their time together wasn't the awkward, groping sex of teenagers but the intimate clinging of two people desperate for the other. Nick found himself holding back tears when he was positioned to look at Kaylin's naked body lying under him. She had been wasting away while he was gone, and he felt guilty for it. He was right in comparing her to Kate Moss, all bones and skin, but what a beautiful set of bones and skin it was. He loved her like the earth around him and was desperate for the air and water that only she could give him. He learned that as his addiction to substances wained he would become addicted to the attentions and dependency of her, that it was a common problem of addicts, but he didn't care. Right now, and for as long as was humanly possible, she was his and she was all he needed.

Part Two: Chapter Thirteen

It was at this time, the time Kaylin found herself between when Nick had left and when he would return, that Kaylin decided to try acting. As a little girl her mother would sing with her while they cleaned or to pass the time while waiting for her father to get home. Her little performances would earn her one of the much coveted smiles from her father and a little peace in the house. Her father had even told her she should try out for the community choir or theater. But as the tension between her parents heightened, and her mother began to go out more and more the time Kaylin spent singing for her parents dwindled, and the idea of time spent on a stage was occupied with time spent keeping up with those responsible for her.

Now with Mark Ainsworth telling her to have a life outside of her relationship with Nick, and her own need to waste away the time before Nick got home, Kaylin went to the community theater to audition for a role in their spring production of Godspell. Kaylin found the idea of loosing herself in a different persona invigorating, and she immersed herself in the theater life. She volunteered to help with props for the next show, paid close attention to the hair and makeup application, and practiced singing the songs long before the first rehearsal scheduled for after the New Year. She put every detail in her letters to Nick, and his letters were full of support and repetitions of how happy he was that she was doing something other than shutting herself in her room. She mailed him pictures of the two of them, and of her for his walls, and he mailed her lyrics from songs that reminded him of her. She told him of the dramas going on in school and of the goings on at the local theater; he told her of group sessions and learning to meditate.

As the holidays approached Nick and Kaylin began to count down the days until his scheduled release. She was concerned that things wouldn’t be the same between them when he returned, and she was secretly fearful of their first meeting after so long apart. The countdown dwindled down from weeks to days, and finally days until hours; Mark Ainsworth left Riversedge early Friday to pick up and return with Nick Saturday afternoon. Kay didn’t go to school that Friday. She was restless and worried; part of her was aching to see Nick in a way that frightened her with its strength, but another part of her was terrified that when they saw each other the connection, the feeling she had when he was around would be gone. She stared at the picture she had taped to her wall: a candid picture of her and Nick, he was hugging her, her head was on his shoulder and his head was leaning on her forehead, he was wearing the softest smile. He looked so happy, so content; was it her or the drugs he must have been on? Was the intensity and chemistry they had together just a side effect of his drug habit? How much of him did she really know?

All her worries didn’t stop her from cleaning the house the way her mother had taught her so many years ago. She scrubbed the baseboards, polished the doorknobs, vacuumed every rug and then combed over the vacuum marks. She did anything to sway her mind from it's constant vacillating between the images of what her and Nick's reunion would be. She pictured the two of them running to each other in slow motion, like a poorly written movie, a long, passionate kiss and never speaking of where he had spent the last eight weeks. But then she would also picture an awkward hug, followed by uncomfortable silences punctuated with forced questions like, "Well, how've you been?" and uneasy glances from Mark who was constantly hovering over them. She couldn't figure out which scenario was more likely so she could prepare herself. Readying herself for big emotions was a necessity, and her indecision prompted her to clean the house manically and when she was done, she turned to herself.

She scrubbed her thick hair, now long past her shoulders and shaved her legs twice. She pulled on an old pair of blue jeans and noticed for the first time how baggy they felt. When she turned to view herself in the mirror, she saw a fraction of the person who was supposed to be staring back. The white, knit shirt she was wearing was no longer tight, but fell loosely around her. Nick had been gone for six weeks and in that time she had wasted away. She pulled her hair out of the twisted towel and let it fall wet and limp around her face. She had put on a light coating of makeup and now sat staring at her reflection. She was twisted with emotions when she heard the familiar sound of a car pulling up to the front of her house.

With her heart a hummingbird in a cage, Kaylin sprinted down the stairs. She peeped in on her grandfather, asleep in front of the television and checked that the note she had written for him an hour before was easily accessible to him. Along with the Ainsworth's home telephone number, she had written out that Nick was coming home and she was going with him and his father to welcome him home. Without stopping to wait for a knock, Kaylin opened the front door and before her stood Nick, same as he'd ever been: the same easy smile with dimples at either side, the same soft eyes that twinkled like lights in the sun.

In that instant, all her fears and visions of what might happen drifted away and again she was Kaylin McSandsen, the most beautiful girl in the world to this one boy.

Nick opened the storm door while Kaylin stood reeling in the moment. He put his hands on either side of her face and stared at her every feature, his eyes were glistening with tears not shed, his touch made her body warm, and for a moment, neither of them said a word. Nick was lost in the moment of seeing her again; this moment he had dreamt of nightly for the last eight weeks was unfolding itself before his eyes and he was lost in the process. As if moving her was moving another part of his own body, he easily brought her face up to his and kissed her lips gently, softly, relishing the taste and feel of her once again. They broke the kiss, and his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, drawing her as close to him as he could hugging her tightly against him.

For the last eight weeks, Kaylin had been working herself into the ground; not one to step on scales she was sure that she had lost a considerable amount of weight since Nick held her last. His hands traced over her ribs as he surveyed her appearance. “Oh, Kay,” his voice was gentle and concerned, “babe, it seems you and I have been apart way too long. You need good diner food and lots of it.” He flashed her a mischievous grin, took her hand in his, and kissed it. “Let’s go get started.”

Part Two: Chapter Twelve

Nick was charged with possession and in lieu of jail he was sent to a rehabilitation facility in West Virginia. Kaylin went to the hearing and visited Nick as often as she could. At night, after she ate a silent meal with seanahair she would lock herself in her room and cry. It was like the years before him were nothing compared to the months with him. In such a short time she had gotten used to Nick's voice at dinner, his laughter at the sitcoms her grandfather watched after, and the feeling of safety that filled her when he was around.

Alicia even braved running into Aaron, and came over in an attempt to offer support to her grieving friend, only to sit on the floor while Kay lay in bed and watch TV in silence. In school, Kaylin saw the pity in the eyes of her classmates and came to realize why her father hated the emotion. She hated the idea of people feeling sorry for her, and she plastered on a smile as best she could. It took no time for the Kaylin McSandsen everyone had known for so long: quiet, dependable, easily ignored to return to everyone's lives.

After the first two weeks of separation, Nick's letters began to pour in. He wrote every day, long rambling letters full of his emotions and daily activities. Kaylin wrote to him every time she received one of his. At first she was careful about her wording, and offered support and encouragement that he was doing the right thing, but it didn't take long before her letter became much like his, full of longing, and sadness at his absence. She told him how alone she felt in the world, how she missed everything about him, how she wore his tee shirts to bed and they smelled so much like him that she would wake up sure that he was laying next to her like he used to. He wrote that at night he was next to her, and the only thing that kept him going during the rough nights was knowing she was going to be there when he was well. He was going to classes, so he would finish high school on time.

Thanksgiving came and went; Nick was still in West Virginia, Aaron McSandsen got work at a plastics plant in a nearby town, and Francis continued his weekly routine of the VFW, mass, and television. Kaylin spent the holiday dinner with her father and grandfather at the VFW like every year. She was thankful this year for finding love and for Nick's promise of recovery.

The Sunday following Thanksgiving the entire family attended mass. It was a solemn event seeign as how Aaron rarely went anymore. As they arrived home, Nick's father was starting to pull out of their driveway.

"Aaron," Mark Ainsworth said, getting out of the car to extend his hand, "how've you been?" the two had known each other since the Ainsworth's moved to town. Mark worked for the union Aaron belonged to and had been the one to notify Aaron of the work opening up in Cedar Creek. "Doing fine. It's good to see you," Aaron shook Mark's hand, genuinely surprised by his visit, "How was your holiday?" he asked politely, tugging at collar of his dress shirt.

"It's was all right. I was in Wheeling, visiting my son," Mark cast Kaylin a look and she defensively put her arms around herself. "I'm actually here to talk to Kay about it. That OK?"

Aaron half turned to look at his daughter, "Yeah, suppose so. Kay?" She stepped forward, "that OK with you?" she nodded and gave both men a smile. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to get my father inside and take off this monkey suit," Aaron joked, taking Francis' arm and escorting up the few steps to the house.

Once the storm door snapped shut Mark began, "How've you been, Kay? You doin' all right?" Mark Ainsworth was young and lean for his age. His salt and pepper hair was curly and unruly even though it was trimmed short. He leaned against his car and fiddled with the keys in his jacket pocket.

"I'm good. Well, good as to be expected. How's Nick? He writes that he's ok, but you know, is he really OK?" she stood in front of him, her posture ridiculously stiff compared to his relaxed state.

"Yeah, yeah he's doing good. Real good," his eyes moved away from Kaylin's and stared beyond her at some distant point. He absent-mindedly sucked at his teeth and sighed, "We've been through this before, he and I. His mother was in and out of rehab a lot, so we're pretty used to the drill. I guess I should have seen this coming."

"No you shouldn't have. I didn't. And I saw him a lot more than you did," Kaylin offered, trying to be supportive.

Mark let out a sarcastic laugh, "Yeah. Guess so."

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Kaylin quickly realized her mistake, "you saw him, it's just that we go to school together and"

Mark waved her hand to stop her. "Don't worry about it. This isn't either of our fault. But listen, honey," he pushed off of the car and stood up straight before her, "they - the people at the clinic - are worried you two are too codependent. Like, you can't separate yourselves. That's not good for his situation."

"Oh," Kaylin looked down at her feet, clad in black combat boots and barely peaking out under the cuff of her jeans. She was wearing a pretty, black sweater to dress up the outfit making it church-worthy, but you couldn't tell it under her thigh-length winter coat. "Um, what are you saying?" She asked carefully.

"Just..." Mark measured his words, he too had been in a toxic relationship and if it wasn't for his need to move because of a job he probably would still be, "try to find a life outside of Nick. I'm not telling you guys to break up, but you need to realize that if you do, it's not the end of the world."

"Oh," Kaylin repeated making a face as if she just smelled something awful. "Well, thanks," she looked him in the eye and layered on the sweetness as she added, "thanks for stopping by."

"Well, there's more," Mark began as he moved to the trunk of his car, "Nick sent this for you," he lifted a large brown paper bag covered in doodles and stapled closed. "Happy Turkey Day, I guess," he laughed.

Kaylin took the present and smiled, "Thanks," she laughed too.

"If all goes well," Mark said folding himself into the drivers' seat of his car, "it's looking like he'll be home by Christmas. So keep your fingers crossed. If I hear anything else I'll let you know," he shut the door but rolled down the window.

Kaylin hugged the bag to her chest, "Same here," she offered and waved him goodbye as he pulled out of his spot along the curb and drove away.

Once inside, Kaylin rushed upstairs to be alone with her gift. She sat on her unmade bed and curled her legs under her. She examined the pen and ink drawings covering the brown paper: he had drawn out their names, intersecting them at the 'i,' there were the logos of their favorite bands, and of course the obligatory hearts and love messages. The top of the bag was folded over twice and stapled awkwardly shut, making the whole present look like an old lunch bag. She was careful to pull open the top, popping each staple's grip. Inside was one of his sweatshirts, a big over-sized green thing that would look like a tent on her petite frame. The shirt was wrapped around something and she unfolded it to reveal a perfectly molded mask of Nick's face. Her eyes filled with tears as her fingers traced the curves of his eyes, his nose, his mouth. She put the mask up to her face and tried to imagine Nick doing the same. She set the mask on the pillow next to her knee and pulled on the sweatshirt. She looked again into the bag and found a carefully folded piece of yellow paper with her name on it.

She laid back on the bed, put the mask on her stomach and read:

"Dear Kay,
Hey babe, what's up? Same old shit here. Meetings, therapy, bad food, same as always. They told me that I'll be home for Christmas, as long as I don't fuck up. We've got chores and a schedule to follow and I've been so careful to do everything they tell me. I miss you so much. I know I tell you that all the time, but I never want you to forget it. I never want you to forget that every minute of every day I'm thinking of you and wanting to be home with you again. I sit through the meetings, the therapy, the programs, and I think of you and pray to God that I haven't destroyed the only thing in my life that has ever really mattered. A lot of the people here think I'm too young to be in real love, but I don't care what they think. This is love. I've had other girlfriends, and I know that this is different. I know what we have is better. We may be young and I may be fucked up, but I can see myself with you for the rest of my life.
How's school going? Tell Stephen that I'll be home in time for training for baseball and tell Alicia to take good care of you while I'm gone. Only a few more weeks.
I love you.
Nick
PS Hope you like the presents. They're as close to my being with you as I could get"

Part Two: Chapter Eleven

Stephen was told to wait in the lobby while a short, bald officer walked Kaylin back through the maze of cubicles to the one where Corporal Jordan was seated. He stood when Kaylin came into view and motioned for her to take one of the two seats opposite his small desk.

“I’ve got it from here, Bob, thanks,” Jordan told the officer escort who smiled down at the seated Kaylin before making his way back to the main lobby. Corporal Jordan smiled at the girl sitting before him, now much more a woman than when they first met a little shy of four years ago when a road weary Jordan had to deliver the news to a young girl that her mother wasn’t coming home. Since that dreary morning Kaylin had grown taller, her hair had gotten longer, and her features had blossomed into a woman’s rather than a girl’s. Although she looked different today than she had that morning, the look on her face was the same: fear, panic, and worry. Again the gruff, 6’4” seasoned officer was taken in by the girl and a feeling of protectiveness came over him.

“How have you been, Kay?” he asked, pushing aside his computer’s keyboard and leaning across the top of his desk.

Kaylin tried to smile, but couldn’t stop her chin from shaking. She quickly looked down at her hands and took in a measured breath to calm herself. She nodded a bit and said quietly, “I’m OK.”

“Good, good,” Jordan said absently standing up and coming around to where Kaylin sat. “C’mon, let’s take a walk,” he said offering Kaylin his hand. She took it and stood up, following him. Jordan was not part of the team that searched the lockers that day, nor had he been assigned to the case; however, upon his arrest Nick refused to say much more than he wanted to talk to Kaylin McSandsen. The arresting officer recognized the name and sent word to Jordan that the girl he had been keeping tabs on the last few years was involved.

Corporal Jordan led Kaylin to the sheriff’s lounge and got her a coke from the vending machine. They sat across from each other in the empty lounge at one of the faux wood tables. Kaylin mumbled a thank you when offered the drink, but kept her eyes down and her shoulders slumped.

“You know about what happened at school earlier?” Jordan asked. Kaylin nodded her head.

“Want to talk about it?” he offered, but Kaylin shook her head.

“Why did you call me?” she asked after gathering up her courage to look the corporal in the eye. She was surprised by what she saw there: sympathy, compassion, worry. She was expecting a cop like on TV, angry and scheming how to get her to reveal information about Nick’s situation.
Jordan leaned back in his seat. “How do you know Nick Ainsworth?” he said in his best cop voice.
“He’s my boyfriend,” she replied quickly, “why?”

“How long have you guys been dating?”

“Since July, why?” she asked again.

Jordan sighed; he was more worried about having to deliver bad news again to this precious girl than he was getting information about the arrested.

“He’s been put on suicide watch,” Jordan began, “I wasn’t there when they brought him in, but he’s in bad shape. He said he needed to talk to you. He even to his father he wouldn’t talk unless he talked to you first. So the search began to find you and that led to me…” he trailed off.

Kaylin nodded but was mute. Her eyes darted away from Corporal Jordan’s; her heart pulled itself into her throat and prevented her from saying anything, from even breathing. Nick was everything to her, he was what protected her from the loneliness that was her life. Nick was her life; without him she would still be the same plain Kaylin that the kids in her classes ignored, whose father ignored her crying, whose world ignored her existence. Nick loved her, and made people pay attention to her; he showed her that she was worth being seen.

“I’m going to sit over here, OK, Kaylin?” Corporal Jordan had stood up and moved to a table at the corner of the room, near the door. At that moment Bob, the officer that had escorted Kaylin, came into the lounge holding the arm of a prisoner whose hands were cuffed in front of him.

“Nick!” Kaylin jumped up, and Bob release his grip on Nick’s arm and went to sit with Jordan. Nick lifted his arms up and Kaylin dipped under them to embrace him. Nick burrowed his head in her shoulder; she could feel him weeping: his chest heaving and his breath hot.

“Kay, baby, oh my God. Kay, I’m so sorry baby, hon,” he was rambling. Kay pulled her body away from his and cupped his face in her hands, shaking her head for him to stop.

“Sweetie, sssh, calm down, I’m here,” she hugged him again. They stood like that for a long time, both of them openly crying.

Kaylin moved his hands over her head, and they sat next to each other on one of benches attached to a table.

“Kaylin, I swear, I’m so sorry. If I loose you,” he choked up and pressed his cheek to hers. “Kaylin, things got so out of control. I don’t know what to do. Please don’t leave me, please.”

Kaylin pressed her hand against the other side of his face and breathed deeply. “I’m not leaving you,” she promised, “but why didn’t you tell me any of this? Nick, what else are you hiding?” He pulled himself away from her and looked her in the eyes.

“Nothing, baby, nothing. I was just getting so tired during the day, and so I…”

Kaylin put her finger to his lips and rested her forehead on his. She recognized hysteria when she saw it, and she needed to calm him down.

“What now?” she wrapped her hands around his that were bound together.

“I got a lawyer. We talked about rehab. I need help baby, but I, I didn’t want to agree to anything. God, Kaylin. I know I let you down, I know, but I love you, I love you so much. And if you, if you didn’t love me anymore, I would understand, but I didn’t want to live. I can’t live without you.”

“We can talk about this later.”

He smiled, a weak, hysterical smile, filled with happiness that there would be a later. His heart was pounding and he was shaking. “OK, OK, later.”

Corporal Jordan allowed the two to talk a few minutes more before indicating that their time was up. Nick kissed Kaylin long and hard before being led away. Once the door clicked shut, Kaylin turned and hugged Corporal Jordan; her head barely reaching his name tag she leaned into him and cried tears of thanks for allowing her to see him, and tears of sadness at the unknown.

“It’s going to be OK. We’ll get him help, he’s a young guy, there’s still a future for him,” the large man smiled down at her and awkwardly patted her hair.

“What do I do now?” she pulled away to pick up a napkin and wipe her face.

“Well, for now you need to keep going to school, doing your thing, and keep yourself happy and healthy,” Corporal Jordan said, “I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

Part Two: Chapter Ten

Stephen talked while he drove. The police had found a few grams of cocaine in Nick's jacket in his locker; he was arrested immediately. Stephen had class with Nick and saw everything happen. When the principal came in to get Nick, he looked over at Stephen and told him to get Kaylin immediately. She was his first thought: not being arrested, not getting in trouble at school, just Kaylin and what she would think and do.

Kaylin's head was spinning, and she was breathing hard. "This can't be happening. Seriously, Nick doesn't do coke. This is ridiculous." She was talking more to herself than to Stephen whose hands gripped the wheel as he sped up. "Stephen, you've got to be kidding me."

He rolled his head to look at her and gave her a look that made her know he was dead serious. "Kay, you honestly think he doesn't do coke? Really?" he had a doubting tone to his voice. Nick liked to have a good time, and although Stephen had never seen Nick put the straw to his nose, he could definitely picture him doing it. Kaylin was staring out the windshield blankly, her mind too full to process everything it needed to take in; it was like staring into a deep lake and trying to see to the bottom but the motion of the waves, the darkness of the water, the need to blink kept preventing it.

"What do we do now?" was all she could manage to say. Stephen pulled his battered car into her drive and turned to look at her. Her hands were clenching and unclenching the blue fabric of her book bag, her long hair was wind-blown in front of her face, but she didn't bother to brush it away.

"I'm not sure," Stephen began, "but I told him I would get you. Let's go inside and I'll make some calls, see if I can find out anything, OK?" He started to get out the door.

"You're coming in my house?" Kaylin said, slamming the car door, she couldn't remember the last time Stephen Rizzman had been in her house. It must have been when her mother was still alive, because she remembered that she got in trouble for having Alicia and her brother over without asking first. Her mother was known to lock herself in her bedroom for hours, sometimes days, on end.

"Is that OK?" Stephen stopped in his walk to the door.

"Yeah, sure. I just, well," Kaylin smiled in spite of herself, "I was just thinking it's been awhile." Stephen smiled too. Kaylin was just another one of his sisters, she spent the night so much at his house that sometimes he forgot she had another home.

They went inside, and judging from the quiet, no one was home. There was a note on the pad of paper Seanahair kept on the end table next to his armchair that said he had gone to confession and then was going to the VFW for a dinner. Stephen put his book bag on the floor by the door and covered it with his jacket before finding Kaylin in the living room reading the note.

"Everything all right?" he asked, fishing his beeper out of his jeans and checking the display.

"Yeah, my grandfather is gone and my dad's still at work," Kaylin said, setting the paper down. "I'm going upstairs to change, I'll be right back."

"No problem, can I use the phone?" Stephen asked reaching for the cordless. Kaylin nodded her head and dashed up the stairs.

Before she had even entered the doorway, she saw the red light on her machine blinking away. Her small room was dark, and the phone and little machine sat on a small table by her bed. She rushed in and pressed the play button.

"Kay, babe," it was Nick, "I'm OK, don't worry. I'll get this take care of. Please don't be upset, please don't be mad at me. I love you. I'll call you again when I can. Oh my God, Kay, I love you, please don't be mad. OK, I love you, bye." Kaylin was kneeling by the table, holding the answering machine like it was Nick himself.

"STEPHEN!!! STEVE!!!" Kaylin hollered over her shoulder before she heard the next beep.

"Hello, this message is for Kaylin McSandsen. This is Corporal Jordan of the Greenbrier County Sheriff's department. I'm going to need you to stop by the police station when you get this message. If you need a ride, or can't come tonight give me a call back at" the message cut off. Kay shifted around, and sat on her legs; Stephen standing in her doorway, he had heard the whole thing.

"What should I do?" Kay's eyes welled with tears as she looked to Stephen for an answer. Her chin started to shake as she tried to hold back crying. It was all too much.

"C'mere, girl," Stephen went over to her and pulled her up and into his arms for a hug. "It's going to be OK. Listen, we need to head over there though. I called Alicia and she said that that Jordan guy called over there looking for you, too. C'mon," he started to walk with her to the hall. By the time they had walked down the stairs and were in the foyer, Kaylin had gathered herself together, and had pulled away from Stephen's encouraging arm. She looked at herself in the mirror, and wiped a hand across her face to remove the tear streaks.

"Let's go," she said, turning to the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive to the county sheriff's department was a long one, but Stephen made quick work of it. Kaylin spent the ride letting her eyes drift over the blur of scenery as it passed. Her mind was taking in the reality of what had happened. She loved Nick with everything that she was. Never in her life had anyone treated her like she was something important, something other than ordinary. Her mother's love and affection was the moon: waxing and waning regularly, and her father was sun: distant and harsh, and able to burn if you didn't protect yourself. Seanahair had tried, God love him, in his own way to let her know he cared, but he was older, and his ideas of parental love came from a world that she would only read about.

But Nick, this gorgeous boy that the fates had put in her life; Nick spent everyday telling her how much he loved her, how he adored her. He was the bright light that she clung to in the darkness that was her world. Without ever asking for anything, he settled in her life like a fixture that was and always would be there. He helped her on seanahair's bad days, he brought her to parties where only the beautiful people went and made sure she saw that his eyes never left her. He would wait outside her window if he heard her father screaming while they were on the phone.

Her mind went to the nights they spent together, entwined in each other's embrace. There were nights he would lay beside her, content to just hold her in his arms rather than feel her under him. But of course she had given herself to him, and that first time without having to be told, his touch was gentle and caressing, his movements slow and paced. Every time since he acted like he had never seen her naked before, and was astonished at the beauty of every inch of her. His soft murmurings after made her relax into a peaceful bliss that she never knew existed. Remembering those private times was like embracing herself in Nick now that she felt alone and scared.

Stephen slowed the car down as they approached the stretch of highway that would lead them to the sheriff's department. "Kay," he said measuring his words, "if they tell you it's true, that he did have coke on him," he looked over to her, she hadn't shifted her gaze from the window and, except for her close proximity, he wasn't even sure she was hearing him, "if it's true they probably want to question you and what you knew about it. I'm not going to tell you to lie, Kay, but you need to be prepared for whatever they might ask you, you know? Remember, don't believe anything they tell you, it's like on TV, they'll say anything to get you to talk." He looked over to her again, she had bit her bottom lip and looked down, tears spilling from her eyes. "You understand what I'm sayin' right?" He reached over and put his hand on her knee, shaking it a bit. She nodded, and wiped her eyes again.

"I have no idea what's about to happen," Stephen mumbled, the feelings of someone he cared for hurting and not being able to help her rattled him. Stephen Rizzman had known Kaylin since she was a toddler running around his living room with Alicia while his mother looked on. She was as much a sister to him as his blood kin, and now he was more worried about the way she was acting than whatever trouble Nick was in. Kaylin McSandsen was always level headed and calm, but the girl who sat beside him now was a barely a shadow of that; she was shaking and crying, and there was panic in her voice.

They both stepped out of the now parked car, and Kaylin paused gathering her thoughts, looking at the squat brick building and readying herself for whatever was about to happen. The wind had a chill that warned of frost that night, and a feeling of loss tied itself to her stomach again.